Allow Me to Explain to You How This Works

Whenever anything of any consequence is happening in my life, Murphy's Law shall surely prove true yet again. I'll lay out the most recent example:

Last week I applied for a new apartment. Several days later the management company (hereafter referred to as "apt people") informs me that they cannot process my application, due to my ID being expired. I had hoped they might overlook this fact, as has happened numerous times before, but no such luck. However, they said that if I was to bring in a receipt from the DMV for an ID application, that would suffice.

So the following morning I wake up at 7AM to spend half an hour on the bus to get to this terrible place when it opens, to ensure a minimal wait time. The plan was DMV, apt people, then work. HOWEVER, after spending half an hour in line, I am informed by one of the most condescending human beings I have ever encountered that they will not accept my expired military ID as proof of legal presence, despite my also having on my person my Social Security Card, as well as a credit card bill with my current address.

Obviously, this pissed me off.

I would have to bring in either my birth certificate or a passport. I have never had a passport, never had a driver's license or state ID, or any other form of identification other than my military ID. The reason I'd not gotten a new ID prior to this is that I RARELY had the $24 required to apply for an ID over the last... long time, and my mother lost my birth certificate. Over the last several months in particular she has alternately found and lost my birth certificate several times.

Once the blinding rage subsided, I hatched my plan. I called out of work for the night, then called my mother to inform her that I was getting on a train to go tear her house apart and find the damn thing myself.

It takes an hour to take the Blue Line from downtown Long Beach to the 7th Street/Metro Center, then about 5 minutes on the Red Line from 7th to Union Station, then two hours on the Antelope Valley Line from LA Union to Lancaster.

I was exceptionally relieved when I found my birth certificate with a minimum of effort. Successful in the first leg of my mission, I got up at four this morning to get back on the train at six heading down to Long Beach. Got back into Long Beach at around 9, got to the DMV around ten, out by ten fifty, then went to the apt people to take care of that whole deal.

Thankfully, several hours later I found out that my application was approved. I immediately went to the bank, then the management office to put down the deposit. HOWEVER, for me to sign the lease, they have to have a photocopy of a valid photo ID for "security purposes." Obviously, I don't have that. So we set the appointment for the 3rd of April to allow time for the DMV to mail me my card.

That, ladies and gentlemen, is how my life goes.