Quixotism, How I Loathe Thee

Tonight, I died.

I found myself wounded, taking the final blow... enduring the death throes, unable to speak for fear of breaking; then, finally passing through the veil into the darkness.

I've passed into the realm of Purgatory, where I am to be schooled, tested, and judged...

And the process of rebirth shall likely be long and painful indeed.



Time to rehash, rearrange, reawaken, redefine, re... do.

Time to change my stripes. Some of them, anyway. The ones that don't accent my butt.

Time to finally burn, wholly to ash... and to rise refreshed, reinvigorated, renewed.




As great as all that sounds, and as much as I know it's for the best, I can't help but be absolutely miserable about this. I know it didn't work. I know it probably wasn't going to, at least not for a loooooooooong time. And I know that we both need to figure some shit out on our own. Regardless of all this... I just lost the woman I love, again, for what is without a doubt the final time. And I am... devastated.





Merry Fuckin' Christmas, huh?

A New Era

Goddamn.

...And it all comes apart.

"This is not my beautiful house! This is not my beautiful wife!"

"And you may ask yourself, 'Well, how did I get here?'"






"And you may ask yourself, 'Where does that highway go?'"








"And you may ask yourself, 'Am I right? Am I wrong?' And you may tell yourself, 'My God! What have I done?'"

Cory Osterhout and the Rain-Slick Precipice of Personal Bullshit

You know how you can have all kinds of problems going on, or maybe just one or two big ones, but you're okay because you get complacent? You accept that (insert current bullshit) is the status quo, and you just... get used to it. It's like anything else I suppose- the more you do something, the easier it gets, whether it be playing an instrument, learning a language, a job, killing people, etc. But with the more negative things, like coping with personal bullshit, you have days where you just think, "Wow... really, this pretty much blows. How can I be so complacent about something like this?" And those days SUCK.

I am having one of those days.

Grudging acceptance and grim determination, that stiff-upper-lip attitude, can only get you so far before it breaks down and you're forced to REALLY see how bad the situation is. You can spill all kinds of rhetoric about seeing things through and being patient and all that kind of thing, but sometimes, shit just SUCKS. And it gets you down. Does that make you weak? That all depends. Do you let yourself slip into the "Shit just sucks" attitude on a fairly consistent basis? Then, yeah, you need to suck it up. Asshole. But if you go through most of your days confident that the world is not going to end tomorrow, and only occasionally let yourself have those days, then I think that's okay. Sometimes you just gotta cry, you know? And by crying I don't necessarily mean literal crying, it can be whatever works for you. Moping around your apartment by yourself while listening to Linkin Park, drinking heavily, writing miserable dashboard confessional-style acoustic songs; any of these things can easily substitute for (or even go with!) crying. Just don't do any of them too frequently (especially listening to Linkin Park).

Anyway... right now, shit sucks. Tomorrow I'll probably be back in stiff-upper-lip mode, but today... shit just sucks. And I've noticed that lately these sorts of days are happening more frequently. The answer? No idea. But it probably involves more, or possibly less, booze.

We shall see, my friend. We shall see.

So

The new Staind album sucks, no surprise there. Not nearly as bad as the last one though. I'd say it's... as bad as 14 Shades was. Raise your hand if you miss Dysfunction!

Good Lord, I just had some sort of orgasm that I have yet to understand.

I'm listening to Billy Howerdel's new (well, for me) band ASHES dIVIDE's album, Keep Telling Myself It's Alright. And holy flying fuck, what an album it is. I absolutely adore A Perfect Circle, and Howerdel was and continues to be a huge influence on my guitar playing and musical style in general. I'm only on track 3 and I LOVE this album. Sam, please jump in on this one.

I would fuck this man's guitar tone like there was no tomorrow, if physics didn't prevent me from doing so.

Valuable Life Lesson #735

When you have to struggle to swallow and zen your way out of vomiting, it is time to stop drinking.

Or puke n' rally.

Valuable Life Lesson #734

If you drink grape Powerade and Southern Comfort for 9 hours straight, it turns your poop green. Burger King does not help this.

O Blogger, Where Art Thou?

Drunk, most likely.

SOOOO.... Been awhile. Lots of life changes, fluctuating internet connection availability, and overall laziness have prevented me from writing like I once did.

We shall have to change that! Possibly. If the connection holds.

Valuable Life Lesson #437

You cannot mix honey into an iced beverage, no matter how much rum is involved.

Well.

It's been quite some time since Sam or I wrote anything. It's been a busy time for both of us (Sam actually had another baby). As for me... My album is finished, I've actually got about 20 songs waiting in the wings for the second album, and I also finished a 5 song EP of trance-ish stuff to release between. So now I'm just waiting for money... once I get my fat returns, I'll actually be able to move forward with the whole grand scheme. As far as everything else goes, life has settled down a bit finally. Hopefully it'll finish smoothing out sometime in the near future, because I've been going absolutely batshit.

Hopefully I'll be writing on here a lot more. And hopefully Sam will too :)

Okey Dokey

My entire life seems like it's falling down around me right now. My relationship with my girlfriend, who is everything to me and for whom I am currently sacrificing my very SANITY, is on thin ice. Money... I'm SCREWED. And I just found out last night that one of my two best friends since 8th fucking grade has completely betrayed the trust of both me and our third, which I feel partially responsible for due to the circumstances (which I won't get into at present). Three of the four most important, ruling things in my life are completely on the rocks right now, and I have no idea how to cope.

Fortunately, the other of the four most important, ruling things in my life benefits from all of this bullshit. As a result of spending 90% of my time outside of work completely alone for the last few weeks, I've been incredibly productive working on music (and drinking). Basically, every day I get off work, go home, get drunk, and work on music for 4-8 hours.

SO... I've got a 5-song EP put together, and about 20 other songs in the works for a full album. Today (about two hours ago) I put up a MySpace Music page, with the full EP for your listening pleasure. I don't know why I'm really bothering to promote it here, seeing as the ony people who read this are me and Sam, and that's only because we write the damn thing. But hey.

You can take a ride over to the page here.

As far as actually realeasing the EP, I have NO idea yet. Right now I'm just going to try to get it played and get as many people interested as possible, and move from there.

More later, methinks.